| 1 | MUNA | "So Special" | About U | My favorite new band now has a whole album. |
| 2 | London Grammar | "Big Picture" | single | Plus, you can also have "I Know a Place" rotated from second person to first. |
| 3 | Full Of Hell | "Halogen Bulb" | Amber Mote In The Black Vault 4 | This song might be about energy efficiency. Or ballistic maggots. |
| 4 | Wolfheart | "The Flood" | single | I know some people say they don't like death metal because of the growling, but this is like saying you don't like landscape paintings because of all the sky. |
| 5 | Betty Who | "Some Kinda Wonderful" | single | You're right, we didn't exactly have an American version of Cher Lloyd. |
| 6 | Chromatics | "Mapepire" | single | I didn't see the Tron remake, did it have a Carnival scene? |
| 7 | Eclipse | "Never Look Back" | single | Def Leppard must be adjusted for energy inflation. |
| 8 | The Mowgli's | "4AM" | single | Pop punk can be Twee. |
| 9 | HUNGER | "Amused" | Amused 5 | Imagine Chvrches. |
| 10 | Bright Light Bright Light | "Running Back to You" | single | Basically, finally, the second The Assembly single. |
| 11 | Basement | "Promise Everything" | single | Mid-period Posies without so much self-deprecation (or paisley). |
| 12 | The Menzingers | "Thick as Thieves" | After The Party | OK, we're going to do the Goo Goo Dolls over again, but this time we're going to get wiser without getting prettier. |
| 13 | Courage My Love | "Love Hurts" | Synesthesia | You see two modeled disembodied heads, at this point, you kind of know what kind of synthpop you're probably going to get. |
| 14 | Undercast | "Loiter" | single | Pop punk can be a kind of punk |
| 15 | WATERMEDOWN | "Locks and Blinds" | The Same View with a New Light | or a kind of emo. |
| 16 | Rob Scallon | "Gas Mask Catalogue" | The Scene Is Dead | What could be more metal than drum triggers? |
| 17 | Blanck Mass | "Silent Treatment" | single | Dance music for surviving latency spikes (and unrest). |
| 18 | Calyx & TeeBee | "Ruffian" | single | Too nervous to stop dancing. |
| 19 | Reykjavíkurdætur | "Kalla Mig Hvað? prod.BNGRBOY" | single | Iceland's largest female hip-hop collective was originally formed to protest patriarchal bullshit at the second Althing in AD 931. |
| 20 | Chris Weeks | "Mae’r peilonau taflu cysgod dros y coed" | Haverfordia | This album by singing glaciers is actually Welsh. |
| 21 | Marcus Fjellström | "Arboretum" | Skelektikon | Recorded by cultivating a living tree into the shape of a violin and then time-compressing the sound of it growing for 45 years. |
| 22 | Ten Fé | "In the Air" | Hit the Light | To hear Fun. and think "Ooh, it must be time for a Tirez Tirez revival." |
| 23 | Nathan Fake | "RVK" | RVK +1 | Like PC Music, but Linux, with some kernel errors. |
| 24 | letherette | "Si Fly" | Where Have All The People Gone? | It's only background noise if you're paying attention to something else. |
| 25 | RichaadEB | "In the Halls of the Usurper" | single | Masterpiece Theater Destroyed by Dragon Fire. |
| 26 | AmaLee | "Itteki no Eikyou (Blue Exorcist Season 2)" | single | Dragons Subsequently Routed by Cartoon Teenagers. |
| 27 | Rag'n'Bone Man | "Grace" | single | I'm trying hard to not let my wariness of hipster soul win out too quickly. |
| 28 | Katie Herzig | "I Want to Make You Proud" | single | (Ellie Goulding + Rachel Platten) / 1.9 |
| 29 | Blutengel | "Lebe Deinen Traum" | Lebe Deinen Traum +3 | Music recovers after walls. |
| 30 | Cognizance | "Ether of the Void" | single | Also after zombie unicorn invasions |
| 31 | Evocation | "Children of Stone" | single | and meteor impacts. |
| 32 | Ghali | "Pizza Kebab" | single | Immigrants: without them, everybody's food would suck. |
| 33 | Jesse & Joy | "Espacio Sideral" | Jesse & Joy | That feeling when the nearest foreigners you try to demonize turn out to be singing your so-called "country" music better than you, |
| 34 | Alejandro Fernandez | "Sé Que Te Duele" | single | and then when their treacherous beats entice your last remaining loyal line-dancers to break ranks, |
| 35 | Silvestre Dangond | "Es Mentira" | Gente Valiente | and then when you realize you're trying to get to the job site early so you get to work on the top of the wall where you can hear the music from the other side better. |
| 36 | Havok | "Ingsoc" | single | Over/under on percentage of new progressive-metal songs based on Orwell or Huxley by a year from now: 65%. |
| 37 | Pariisin Kevät | "Pilvissä" | Kuume | If Putin is so smart, how come he never had to build a wall against Finland? |
| 38 | Timo Rautiainen | "Juon terveydeksenne" | single | Kinda like a "Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" remake, except it's the Finns, so instead of sinking with the ship, they just carry it up into the mountains for safety, and then build a nice fire and everybody dances around it cheerfully instead of dying. |
| 39 | The Moon & The Nightspirit | "Az Elsö Tündér Megidézése" | single | After a while you start noticing that the dancers' shadows aren't wholly in sync with their supposed owners, |
| 40 | Everfrost | "Kishi Koushinkyoku (Knights of Sidonia)" | Appetite for Candlelight 4 | and that somehow the wall between Finland and Russia didn't block the flow of Japanese anime. |
| 41 | Metavari | "II. Tesseract" | Tetra A.D. 6 | But here's the fucking thing: even if you could keep the strangers out, the strangeness comes from within. |
| 42 | Funambulista | "Volver a Empezar" | Dual | This guy Columbus had the idea to call terrified racism "Make America Great Again", too. The Spanish sent him. He collected some great properties and made an amazing number of people miserable. |
| 43 | Dinero | "Bajo cero" | Cero | It's weird how Mexican the Spanish sound now. That's what you get for not building proper walls, I guess. |
| 44 | Big Narstie | "They Don't Know" | single | Maybe before you try to take a country "back", you should find out what the hell it looks and sounds like outside of your towers and your golf courses. |
| 45 | Stormzy | "Big For Your Boots" | single | Or maybe "hellhole" is just your low-reading-level word for "place where people have things to say". |
| 46 | Solo 45 | "Higher" | single | This American Carnage is International, chairfucker. |
| 47 | Red Velvet | "Body Talk" | Rookie - The 4th Mini Album 6 | Frederick Douglass is one of the hottest producers in K-Pop, people are realizing this more and more. |
| 48 | KOIT TOOME | "Verona" | single | But I dunno. There are a lot of Mexicans. Maybe we should try a practice wall to keep out Estonians first? |
| 49 | Yvonne Catterfeld | "Was bleibt" | single | You know, just to make sure the design doesn't have some problem that's definitely somebody else's so-called fault not yours and you totally shouldn't pay them if it doesn't work. So unfair. |
| 50 | Corazón Attack | "Rincón" | single | Also, be honest, you couldn't tell the difference between a Puerto Rican, a Mexican and a Spaniard without Fox News subtitles, and how would they know? |
| 51 | Dave Hause | "The Flinch" | Bury Me In Philly | Maybe you should just make the wall around Mal-a-Lago higher? |
| 52 | Yemi Alade | "Ferrari - French Version" | single | And to make sure it's as beautiful as only you could make it, you should personally supervise from inside. |
| 53 | Brooke Candy | "Living Out Loud" | single | So much win in there. You're right, we probably couldn't handle it anyway. |
| 54 | Fast Animals and Slow Kids | "Asteroide" | Forse non è la felicità | We'll stay out here with all the other bad and foreign and disloyal dudes and all the persistent women trying desperately not to throw up in their mouths until the split second after you look away. |
| 55 | Brains | "GUIDING STAR (feat. SZECSI BOBE)" | single | They built a really big-time wall between Hungary and Honduras, too, did you ever see that one? Would totally have worked if they hadn't been using insecure email servers. They should be in jail. Not that jail, obviously. That one didn't work. Built by losers. |
| 56 | Byz | "Allting är över nu" | single | If the courts won't concentrate on doing their job to build jails to stop radical illegal immigrants from coming here and taking our anthemic hip hop jobs, they should be ashamed of themselves. |
| 57 | Naomi Pilgrim | "Racist Friend" | Racist Friend +1 | They have their reasons, and I think you understand that. |
| 58 | Skerryvore | "Live Forever" | single | I mean, what kind of country lets people get that close to our golf courses? We have no idea who these people are. |
| 59 | UZ | "Stockholm White (feat. Elliphant)" | single | Well, actually, we know who they are, but it seems very literally true that you have no idea who they are. |
| 60 | GENER8ION | "No Rebel (feat. Tayla Parx)" | No Rebel, for Dior (Poison Club) 2 | You hate to lose, but that doesn't mean you're a rebel. |
| 61 | Music For Cats | "We're Dreaming" | single | It means you're a sad, lonely chairfucker who got a new and even lonelier office when what they really needed was a cat. |
| 62 | New Arcades | "From the Dark" | single | We're past the point where you could atone for the public mess you've made, but the sad truth for the rest of us is that it's actually not too late for you to find peace for yourself. |
| 63 | Short Stories | "Sit Alone" | Valhalla - EP 4 | As is usually the case, the way out is straight through the center of the hellholishest fire you have squirmed most blubberingly to avoid. |
| 64 | Voyce | "Du Kennst Den Weg" | single | It's this: You have to let all the rest of us go. I know you know that only you could have saved us, but we release you from your selfless and irreplaceable service. We understand that you need to save yourself now. |
| 65 | Severina | "Kao" | single | This, at least, is one job you can't trust to immigrants. If you want it done, you'll have to do it with your own hands. Use both. Both hands, plus maybe brace it against your thigh for leverage. |
| 66 | Paulo Cuevas | "Vivir Mi Vida" | single | It's OK, go ahead. You deserve this. Don't worry about us, we'll manage. No, no, keep the hat. Please. Your hair is g-- Just keep the hat. We'll get our own new hats. I saw some nice ones on clearance recently at Nordstrom Rack. So great that they can sell American hats that cheaply again. So great. So very the best. |